21 August 2013

Only @ Chautauqua...

As some of you know, I have been working at Chautauqua Institution this summer. While here, I have encountered a number of interesting situations. Here are a few of the more amusing ones, for your enjoyment:

"I put an extra shot [of espresso] in [my coffee]. We just had a scintillating game of shuffleboard." -Julie D.
*bonus points if you can both define scintillating and describe how to play shuffleboard!*

"Well, the instructions are wrong, because you dial 9, and nothing happens, and you stand there swearing at the phone." - exasperated gentleman calling from room

"Here's a chuckle for you--I was so excited to get here, I left all my clothes in the car...well that's okay I'll just wear this again tomorrow." - excited guest

"Can I have the in-house count?" - co-worker
"How badly do you want it?" - me, teasing
"How badly do you not want to be thrown up on?" - co-worker
-_- .... wow, that escalated fast!

"Do you even know what that means? Clearly you didn't grow up in New York City. What are you, 17? 18? Am I embarrassing you yet? You need to get an education." *waves cane in my face* - compliments of room 70...

"I'm about to have a baby!" - exasperated [male] co-worker

"I'm sorry, I may be a bit thick, but where is the place where you type in the web address?" - elderly gentleman using computer in the lobby

"Don't get fresh with me, young lady! I'm telling a story!" - room 32

And for a final chuckle, a picture that amuses me every time I come in for a 7am shift:

hope you gained a laugh or two from my summer job! cheers! :)

13 August 2013

Redneck Computer Terms

Well, I decided it is time for another laugh...and this is one of my favorites :) enjoy!!

LOG ON: Makin’ a woodstove hot.
LOG OFF: Don’t add no more wood.
MONITOR: Keepin’ an eye on the wood stove.
DOWNLOAD: Gittin’ the farwood off the truck.
MEGA HERTZ: When you’re not keerfull gittin’ the farwood.
FLOPPY DISC: Whutcha git from trying to tote too much farwood.
RAM: That thar thing whut splits the farwood.
HARD DRIVE: Gittin’ home in the winter time.
WINDOWS: Whut to shut when it’s cold outside.
SCREEN: Whut to shut when it’s black fly season.
BYTE: Whut them dang flys do.
CHIP: Munchies fer the TV.
MICRO CHIP: Whut’s in the bottom of the munchie bag.
INFRARED: Where the left-overs go when Fred's around.
MODEM: Whutcha do to the hay fields.
DOT MATRIX: Old Dan Matrix’s wife.
LAP TOP: Whar the kitty sleeps.
KEYBOARD: Whar you hang the truck keys.
SOFTWARE: Them plastic forks and knifes.
MOUSE: Whut eats the grain in the barn.
MOUSE PAD: That’s hippie talk fer the mouse hole.
MAINFRAME: Holds up the barn roof.
PORT: Fancy Flatlander wine.
ENTER: Northerner talk fer, “C’mon in, y’all.”
CLICK: Whut you hear when you cock your gun.
DOUBLE CLICK: When the dang gun don’t far when you pull the trigger.
REBOOT: Whut you have to do at bedtime when you forgot the kitty’s still outside.
Random Access Memory: You can't remember whatcha' paid for that new rifle when your wife asks.

[I've had this on my computer for a long time--no idea where I got it. It is in several places online in various different revisions, but I do not know the original source. If anyone knows where credit should be given, let me know!]