This morning I slept until I was rested, which was about 8:45 this morning. Breakfast was leisurely, and I had plenty of time before I needed to leave for church at 10:15. We went to St. Bartholomew's Church, which was one of the ones I visited this week as a part of the program requirements. It was not even what I would call a traditional service - that sounds to me like singing hymns and maybe saying the Lord's Prayer. This was much different than that: a lot of the service was sung in Latin, there was incense, we were sprinkled with holy water, communion really was unleavened bread wafers (and of course, the wine really was wine).
I am trying to figure myself out in this process of visiting the different churches in London. I really like having the written prayers and confessions of faith, since it reminds me of what I believe. The formality also reminds me of what a serious thing it is to ask for the presence of God. This morning it struck me just how amazing it is that God actually comes and is with us in a way it hadn't before. The Latin in the liturgy also is very striking to me: for one thing, it reminds me of when I was in Ukraine and couldn't understand the words (and pretty much anything from Ukraine is a positive memory!) and also it reminds me that the church is worldwide. I love to think about believers across all cultures all united under one God! Anyway, those are a few of the reasons I really like the High Anglican Church service, (I think that's what it was called!) and one side of my debate. The other side is that I really like more 'contemporary' services because they sometimes show people so excited and passionate about their faith. (This was more of the service last Sunday at Holy Trinity - it was mainly contemporary music, and the people were really getting into it. This was also my experience at Revelation Church.
What I'm trying to figure out now is the balance between four things: Traditional, Contemporary, Shallow, and Passionate. I think that in traditional services the set liturgy could cause people (including me) to lose sight of exactly what we're saying and for it to become a shallow routine. At the same time, the creeds and prayers have been carefully thought out, and if thought about can convey a lot of meaning, so if I mean what I'm saying and live my life that way, actually asking God for the things I'm saying, then it will spark a much deeper faith in my life. One of the characteristics of contemporary services is that they emphasize the emotions of the service. The presence of God is something to be called for and experiencing it is one of the main things in the service. This can lead to shallowness - just wanting a feeling with no basis. However, the fact that being in the presence of God can be a very exhilarating, 'mountain top' experience, must not be discounted. Just because there is emotion present is not a basis to discard the whole idea of God actually being present. Still, I want to be careful that I don't get caught up in some kind of 'mob effect' at a church service and just go all for the emotional high.
Well, that's what I've been thinking about recently! I still don't know what synthesis is, or what type of church I'll end up going to, or if I'll go to a contemporary church Sunday mornings and a traditional church for evensong ... but at least I'm trying to figure it out!
This afternoon was quiet - I got caught up on some things I put off over the weekend (aka the paper time!) and at about four I went to tea. Some of the girls here put on a valentine's day tea in the conference room. They made scones, shortbread, chocolate strawberries, and some kind of sponge cake. They also had tea, juice, cookies, and chocolates. It was wonderful, and made for a very festive day!
This evening I went to a piano recital at the Hellenic Centre. It was amazing. I mean that. It put me in a very thoughtful, creative, and quiet mood. (I was about to say a moody mood. I think you can see why I didn't, but it really would be pretty accurate!) On the walk home the city had been washed clean by the rain from this evening, and the moonlight was filtering through the clouds. I call my mood dark, but it's not dark in the sense that I'm upset. Bethany asked me if I was happy and I said no, because it's not. But I feel like there is a part of me that is being allowed to express itself, and I am content.
Okay, I'm rambling. I guess this is first-hand evidence of what it is like! I am pretty much out of it now, though - to the point where I once more am happy and ready to sleep and excited about the rest of life instead of so introspective and quiet. As a note, tomorrow (Monday) and Tuesday I will be in Canterbury, so no update will be forthcoming. However, I suspect that a [rather lengthy - brace yourself!] report will be posted soon after! GStQ
Hey Nadea...I like your ramblings -- feel free to do it anytime! I'm sorry you had a rough day yesterday...I'll be praying for you :)
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